You can take them away
and give them back
just as easily and
I won’t pretend it
doesn’t make me angry
just a little to know
that you’ve got this
control over me that
I never had a choice
but to give you.

There was a time
when I could have
stopped you,
a time when I still
had the option of
closing the door and
making my own choices
about what to say and
what to hide but that time
has passed and I don’t know
how to go back even if I wanted to
(I admit sometimes I want to).

Because it’s you.
Without pretense
or expectation,
without forethought
or destination –
it’s you.
And I will be
that witness
to your life.

I see you most clearly
in the moments when
you can’t see yourself.
I try to put beautiful things
into the world when I can.
I see the beauty hidden
in the self-doubt and
anger around me,
recognize it because
I have seen it in myself.

You take so much from me
without ever meaning to and
then you give it all back
and then some and someday
maybe our lonely’s will match
but for now I’m alone and
you’re lonely, you’re moving
forward while I’m staying behind.

The only words that
break through the static
are the ones you never
thought you needed to hear.

And yet somehow
deep down I know
I will succeed.
I will prevail.
I will give myself a break,
I will remember my worth,
I will put myself first because
no one else ever will.

I will take a deep breath because
air is the only thing I’ll ever
get my fill of without being
accused of being greedy.
You can take it away
but you can’t give it back
so I will take, and take,
and take until I can’t
take anymore and
maybe then you will
see what I see in this beauty.
~4/26/13
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was half joking with that last poem, when I said, “Fine, just you watch – I won’t write A THING!” (cut to what feels like weeks and weeks later). So the above is literally my stitching together of poem pieces that I’ve jotted down since the end of April. >wipes brow<