Happy Anniversary

Just yesterday
and forever.

That’s every
with you.
There were a bunch of years sprinkled throughout where I dreaded this day and did everything I could to ignore it, but this year, I celebrate you completely. It’s good to know you. Always.



You and me
is us
be us
I think
it’s us.

It’s just
been me
so long
I barely
what to do
with you.

But us?
I can
do us.



I’m beautiful
in the abstract.

I’m a wonderful

I’m much harder
to choose

when your hand
cradles my cheek

and you have to
watch my eyes burn.

You can’t look away.
Do you want to?

I have a new thing going in my life. Which inevitably means a word vomit of pages and pages of thoughts and things and hopes and dreams that are probably never going to happen, because the pictures my mind will paint of a thing never hold a candle to its reality.

But I’m trying to stay calm and be patient and accept with gratitude whatever the Powers decide to visit upon me.

Wish me luck.


The List

There’s a list
in my head.


You know
what you want.

(you have always known).

But you’re
to say it.

I’ve waited
so long

(let’s be honest)
I’d wait even longer.

Do you have
a list
of your own?


So True

I’m not
what you
think I am.

I was so
proud of that
until now.

Was it

Will you
a refund?

Did being me
screw this up
before it began?

You don’t want
to be a part
of this mess.

You think that
you do but
you’re wrong.

I always seem
so confident
and I’m so true.

But I’m not
what you
think I am.


He Told Me

He told me
he wasn’t like you

as if that would burn

instead of make me
burn for you

and the days of
watching the sun
creep across the room

with entwined fingers

entwined legs

entwined minds
that forked somewhere
along the way
and I don’t know why
(she lies)

I know why.

He told me
he understood the risks

the work it takes to love me

and I’d say he left me
but he never came to stay

so I left him really

standing out in the cold
I wanted to leave him
there forever
(she admits)

I wish I didn’t know why.

He told me
he didn’t want me

and then he’d take me
every chance he got

and he’s good because
he gives me what I want
by withholding everything
I think I need

and he’ll call again
when he’s been drinking

and I
will leave the door unlocked
(she believes)

I wish I didn’t.

He told me
he’d take care of me

that nothing I could say
or do would ever make him run

and it makes me

want to run

because he can’t be seeing
what’s real and right
in front of him

he has to see the story
of one too many men

who think they know
or know they don’t

and put their hands
on the small of my back
to steer me away

and end up guiding me
right off a cliff
(she goes every time)

I know why.