I’m Not For the Keeping

I never want
to forget
the way I feel
in this moment.

So if you ever have
the courage to say

make a choice

I will remember
to choose me.

I’m not
for the keeping.

And I haven’t been
in a long time.

Makes me wonder
if I ever was.
~9/22/17

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Buoy

1.
I fell fast
into your current
even though I told you
that I didn’t.

I never quit
but hid it
and let you go
with little struggle.

I lied when
I said I heard
what I wanted
you to say.

I lost my grip
on you so often
and the current
just bore me away.

So often
I would let it
not caring about
the weight.

I started
telling myself
that I’d given up
the game.

(Always knowing
that I hadn’t
and that you’d
be back someday).

I’m a torpedo
in this flood
just begging to
be washed away.

2.
But then you’re there
like a stone sinking
like a bulwark
from the storm.

And the current
it’s still pushing
but we’re suspended
above the swarm.

The world is just
a buzzing
like a fly
inside my ear.

Your hand
inside of mine
is all that’s left
to fear.

I fell fast
into your current
and then pretended
it was you.

I was yours from the
very first moment
and there was
nothing I could do.

I never quit but
I always hid it
another failure
too high a price.

I lost my grip but
you reached back
and held me
like a vice.

I’m running loose
and running rampant
and I never know
where to stay.

But the current
moves around me
whenever you stand
in its way.
~9/11/17

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It’ll Be Fine

You always said
it’ll be fine.

So I choose
to use that
as a template.

It’ll be fine
that you’re
not here
and
it’ll be fine
that you’ll
never be back
and
it’ll be fine
because
I’ll see you
again someday.

You always said
it’ll be fine.

And I’m going
to take your
word for it.
~8/31/17

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I Don’t

You would think
I would deal
with death
better than I do.

But don’t ask
my advice
about what to say
to someone at the end.

Don’t expect me
to have anything
but a detached reaction
when the final verdict
comes down.

You would think
I would deal
with death
better than I do.

After all the times
it has touched me
over the years.

Knowing that
the pipeline just
gets more and
more clogged
as each day
passes.

You would think
I would deal
with death
better than I do.

But I don’t.
I don’t.
I don’t.

And what’s more?

I won’t.
I won’t.
I won’t.
~8/29/17

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