Flames

Do I intimidate you?

(Rhetorical question,
I’m sure it’s true).

But isn’t that
the very best part
of what makes me
who I am?

And wouldn’t you
like to know more?

I didn’t ask
to burn this brightly
and I don’t know how
to shut it off.

And I wouldn’t do it
just to please you anyway.

I can’t help it if
you don’t get me,
and it’s up to you
to want to try.

There is
no time
to waste.

Flames go out
all the time.
~6/24/15

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Chess

Dealing with you demands that
I be a bigger person than I am
capable of being right now.

Funny, that,
considering you
are the reason
I turned out
this way.

Aren’t you tired yet?

This chess game you’re playing
might be the driving force behind
your whole existence but this is
my life we’re talking about
and I have to believe
I’m capable of more
than spending the rest
of my days as your pawn.
~6/21/15

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Happiest Sad Girl

I am the happiest
sad girl you
will ever meet.
You don’t want
to love me.

I’ve never been able
to stop myself from
saying exactly what
I’m thinking and
if it’s possible I have
gotten worse over time
but I still have trouble
apologizing for that
or even thinking it
is a bad way to be.

So I’ll just come
out and say it.

I would say yes
if you asked the
right question.
I’d say yes if you
even came close.

You made me
an offer and
I didn’t refuse.

Tell me what
you need and
I’ll tell you if
I can be it.
Tell me what
you want and
I’ll tell you mine.

I let myself be small
for such a long time,
I’m surprised I can
even unfold myself
from this tiny box.

I am the happiest
sad girl you
will ever meet.
You don’t want
to love me.
But by the time you
realize you might
it’s already too late.

And I really have trouble
apologizing for that or
even thinking there is
some other way to be.
~6/15/15

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Fire

I don’t want
to argue with you.
Anyway, there is
nothing more to say.

A white man kills
a room full of people
simply because of
the color of their skin
and so many will
jump to defend him,
to call it what it isn’t
and I don’t know why.

I don’t want
to argue with you.
Anyway, there is
nothing more to say.

I sit on the
edge of my seat
waiting for love
to be legislated
from on high
and I want to
laugh because it
seems like such a
silly circumstance
but I cry instead
because I can’t understand
what gives people the right
to think they have the right
to judge me in the first place.

I don’t want
to argue with you.
Anyway, there is
nothing more to say.

There is a fire
burning here.
It fuels love
the same as hate.
Maybe someday,
once we’ve burned
it all to the ground
it will cleanse us, too.
But for now we
walk through it.
For now it lives
within us
for better
and for worse.

But I don’t want
to argue with you.
And anyway, there is
nothing more to say.
~6/18/15
_____
I started working off of the fire theme on a poem a few days ago. As usual, I can’t remember what initially sparked it. Then it turned into a conversation with someone regarding a person’s ability to maintain with nothing but the dullest spark. Last night, half asleep, I jotted down notes on a completely different subject which luckily melds perfectly into the half finished poem I wrote even earlier this week. And I didn’t mean for this to happen with the poem I’d been writing. But that is the way the Powers work, and I’ve learned many times over to just get out of their way.

My heart aches ever more every day for this planet.

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I Don’t Want To Wait To Text You

Originally posted on Thought Catalog:

Jay WenningtonJay Wennington

I have never known how to play it cool. It is not part of my repertoire, not a skill I’ve perfected over the years. I am a chasm of a person. My heart is a giant opening, and if you look, you will see everything I’ve ever been.

I can’t keep my bad, my good, my mediocre hidden for very long. I spill out with secrets and stories. Like the time I lost my virginity and decided I wouldn’t tell my mother for a while — then crawled into her bed two nights later and cried in her arms. Or when I made up a fake boyfriend in middle school in a failed attempt to make my crush jealous. I will tell you it all, probably more than once.

I am a girl who can’t stop talking. Even when she should. My mouth is an Energizer Bunny because…

View original 468 more words

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Someone Else

You don’t look
anything like
the man I knew
when I see you
through someone
else’s eyes

and that scares me

because I can’t
help but wonder
what I must
look like to you
when you see me
through the eyes
of someone else.
~6/15/15

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Doorman

The doorman
saw me in a
dress one time
and every time
between then
and now he says
“well? what about it?”

Every morning
when I open
my closet door
I laugh out loud
to be thinking
about my doorman
as I dress for the day.
~6/11/15
_____
Yesterday I stopped for dramatic effect and posed, even. But I don’t think he was impressed because the dress covered my knees. I’ll get it right one of these days.

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