You know, I didn’t just heed what I was taught, men and women should be together, it’s the natural way, that kind of thing. I’m not with you because of what family, society, life tried to instill in me from day one. The way the world is, how seldom it is that you meet that one person who just *gets* you – it’s so rare. My parents didn’t really have it. There were no examples set for me in the world of male-female relationships. And to cut oneself off from finding that person, to immediately halve your options by eliminating the possibility of finding that one person within your own gender, that just seemed stupid to me. So I didn’t. But then you came along. You, the one least likely. I mean, you were a guy. And while I was falling for you I put a ceiling on that, because you *were* a guy. Until I remembered why I opened the door to women in the first place: to not limit the likelihood of finding that one person who’d complement me so completely. So here we are. I was thorough when I looked for you. And I feel justified lying in your arms, ’cause I got here on my own terms, and I have no question there was some place I didn’t look. And for me that makes all the difference.
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Momentary poetry blackout for real life post, all. Please forgive the intrusion.
It’s been a tumultuous few days inside my head. A Real World San Francisco marathon (I was 12 when it originally aired and 1 year away from my first boy crush, 2 years away from my first girl crush) that was followed by more gay marriage talk and preceded by some big news out of Ohio has got me looking back at my life and own personal sexual revolution (if you will – personally it makes me giggle to call it that) with older eyes.
Eight years ago, when they banned gay marriage in the state of Ohio, I remember going to a vigil at the courthouse with my little sister feeling more defeated than I ever had in my life. I think I was single at the time, or if I do the math correctly I was in the midst or just on the cusp of a relationship with a man – but it was still incredibly devastating to think that people believed they had the right to vote on whether I was ever able to marry another woman if I felt like it.
I feel so sorry for Rob Portman (a statement I never thought I’d say). I’ve seen so many discussions and arguments all over the internet since he came out in support of gay marriage due to the fact that his son is gay. Sure, we can talk about how sad it is that it took this personal experience for him to change his mind. We can be angry he didn’t have the backbone to say something publicly while he was being vetted for the vice-presidency. And god knows I’m not a forgive and forget kind of girl, but I just can’t help but be happy. I even heard Karl Rove say there’s a good chance the next GOP President will support gay marriage? I mean come on! I don’t care if we have to knock these people over one at a time, forward motion is forward motion!
My father was a state representative when the Gay Marriage Amendment passed in Ohio. And he apologized to me, asking if I felt slighted or ashamed because he hadn’t brought up the fact publicly that I was gay. I countered with “you don’t tell everyone the rest of your kids are straight, do you?” but made it clear to him that I would be proud to have him use our story for a teaching moment if need be. Obviously, I think this is where the comparison can end because of course my father supports marriage equality in a way that the GOP certainly didn’t then, and still doesn’t today. So it’s not quite the same thing. But every elected official needs to balance their personal life with their public service and I don’t envy anyone the task. All too often in this world we forget that our elected officials are people too (I do however also believe that some elected officials also sometimes forget they are people, as well!)
Whenever I start to think of my own personal history, I go back to the quote above from Chasing Amy (which I, no joke, quoted just last week to one of my cousins saying “That movie helped me to be proud to be bi for the first time in my life”). Adding to the complexity of any issue surrounding the word “gay” is my own personal struggle with the fact that I am very likely to fall in love with a man just as easily as a woman. Maybe that helps me to see both sides of this issue a little clearer. Most off the time when you hear the term “bi” you’re thinking of some high schooler trying to find herself. And I dated 2 or 3 guys all while calling myself a lesbian? Pick whichever letter in the acronym you want, all I know is what I know – and I know that I have loved a woman just as deeply if not more so than a man, and no one can discount it or make it less than.
I know that there are some people whose minds can never be changed, for a variety of reasons. I have no interest in converting the entire country into gay marriage supporters. But I do want to convert the entire country into a compassionate people who do believe that marriage equality is the law of the land.
It’s never more true today than ever before. Don’t want gay marriage? Then don’t get one.
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