Adequate

I woke up 35
perfectly capable
of taking care of me
and glad there was
no one else I was
responsible for
but I’d trade it
all away to have
had this thought
in the middle
of the night
and be able to
turn to you
and say it.
~7/7/17
__________________

You turn 35 and are suddenly confronted with an inordinate amount of people you would have thought were older. With more marriage licenses. More birth certificates. More college degrees, mortgages; larger lives.

I woke up unhappy. Unprepared. Not for lack of foreknowledge or trying,
just… I wasn’t ready.

Yes, I live small. I do that on purpose. But my life is also empty of the worst things that so many others lives seem to be full to the brim with.

And so by the time I went to sleep on the day I turned 35, I felt better about my little life.

But I woke up at midnight knowing I’d trade it all away to be able to turn to someone and tell them about the silly dream I just had where I didn’t have anything or anyone to come home to. So I guess I know my limits.

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