Two for Flinching

I flinch

instinctively
immediately

and I can’t help
but wonder whether
I’ll ever unlearn
the tendency.

I’m angry
a little and

I can’t deny it.

And anger
is more useful
than sadness.

But nothing
makes you
feel alive
like fear.

And I am
always afraid.

And so I flinch

instinctively
immediately

assuming that
someone needs
something that
for some reason
only I can deliver.

Always.

At every moment
and in every turn.

I am so tired
and I am so angry
and I am so afraid.

And while part of me
can’t help but
wonder whether
I’ll ever unlearn
the tendency

the truth is I know
that I never will.
~5/19/17

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