I Keep Losing You

I keep
losing you.

I wasn’t
prepared
for a world
without you,

so I keep
coming up
against things
I can’t
understand.

You’re the
man who
taught me
the world
wasn’t such a
scary place but

is that
still true
in a world
without you?

I know
you’re gone.

The larger
than life space
you inhabited
is more empty
than any space
has a need to be.

But my heart
got bigger
then, too.

Because it had
to make room
for you.

So you’re gone
but you’re here
and it isn’t enough.

And I keep
losing you.
~4/5/17
_____
How can 5 years feel like 5 minutes? This is bullshit, Universe. As a coping mechanism for life, a person can learn to live with a lot, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have my moments. And the moments are innumerable over the past 5 years where I’d have given anything to talk to Misi. And we’ll never be square, you and me. The scales are always going to be tipped in your favor, Universe, in a world where he doesn’t exist anymore.

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