Isn’t There

It happens
every single day
all around me.

To my closest friends
and to perfect strangers.

And I’m glad the world is
still capable of pushing
and pulling people
toward each other.

I’ve long since stopped
wondering what it is
about them or rather
about me that means
they get to have it
and I do not.

I’ve been down the road
before where that thought
process leads and it is even
lonelier than the path that
I am currently on so I always
make sure to turn away.

I am not sorry that
I am so large.
That I am not sorry
for who I am.

Even though I understand
that it is a large part
of the problem.

No one wants me
for who I am and
I would never stoop
to being someone
else so someone
would want me.

So I’ll just sit here.
Watching it happen
every single day
all around me.

I’ll write about it.
I’ll take the words
to bed with me to
take the place of
the warm body
that isn’t there.

That isn’t there.
~11/19/15
_____
Another one bites the dust.

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