I make beautiful things out of mortifying moments. I use pain like planks of wood to build a home to keep them in. Thanks to those who have tread these halls over the years, every tender touch is suspect and I’m left wondering whether I’ll ever get that stain out of the carpet.
I dreamt of the sitting room last night.
Maybe you’d like to hear that I’ve sat here many a night, cradling a cup of coffee, just waiting for you to return. Hoping you will tell me a story while I look on, sad fiery eyes blazing. But the truth is – on the night you walked away I stood vigil here, waiting until every last ember of that fire had gone out. I turned on my heel, slammed the sitting room door, locked it and set the key deep in my pocket, with all the other secrets I’ve been keeping so long. I haven’t so much as passed this hall since then.
But last night, its thick wooden doors were damping a warm glow from deep inside. Suddenly, I was seized with an irresistible urge to open the room up again. But when I reached for the door, the world turned red as my body recoiled, and I was thrown back by the force of the door exploding and the inferno pouring out.
Nothing was recognizable. In fact, nothing could be seen beyond every inch of this room engulfed in flames reminiscent of the blaze in my mind. I laughed, frantically, at the mirror before me. Resigning myself to the knowledge that really, there is no other way this story could have ended.
There is only one explanation for how this could have happened. You must have snuck in when I wasn’t looking. Naively hoping to bring the light to this place, as you have always done. You can’t help but trip over your good intentions and set this room alight.
I don’t think I could have ever really used this room again, anyway. The rest of the house is deep in a remodel, and these walls would have always been the next to go. Maybe you did me a favor. There’s no one else I’d rather board this door up with than you.
I could feel myself going there as I fell asleep last night. And I didn’t want to. And now I know why.