Even In My Dreams

Even in my dreams last night
I caught myself apologizing
to a lover who doesn’t exist yet
for all the things that I have
been taught are my fault.

And I thought, how sad.
But I don’t want to waste time
saying that I am sorry for being
the kind of woman that man
could fall for in the first place.

I mean be who you are
and let them fall in love
but when what you are
turns out to be too much
just remember to
blame yourself.

I have done horrible things
to the men that I love
because I forgot to apologize.

In my dreams last night
I caught myself apologizing
to a lover who doesn’t exist yet
for all the things that I have
been taught are my fault.

And I cried.
Oh, I cried.
~1/13/15
_____
Today’s quote of the day came from Amy Poehler, of all people. “It takes years as a woman to unlearn what you have been taught to be sorry for.”

As soon as I read that, I was reminded of the dream I had a few nights back. And so this poem was born.

I’m not trying to place blame, or throw shade, or dance with skeletons, or have myself a pity party. Love is loss is what it is. I think I would even say I am way past blaming past loves for the effed up girl I’ve become in the romance department. I blame me. Because that’s what I’m supposed to do.

And I thought, how sad.

Advertisements
Standard

One thought on “Even In My Dreams

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s