Ecstatic Abandon

I would cry

and you would cringe

because you didn’t know
what to do with it

but then I explained
how much I feel everything
and that it fills me up to
the point of overflowing

and I put so much effort
into trying to make you feel
more secure in the situation

and now I can’t
stop laughing

because I’m sitting
at my desk on a
Monday morning

ecstatic to the point
of tears and even
after all this time

my mind turned to you

I started crying this morning
because I was so happy that
I didn’t have any more room
to keep it inside and now
I am laughing through
joyful tears because I am

grateful to feel safe
in my emotions

and confident enough
to give myself
the permission
to feel them.
~10/29/14
_____
The problem with spending a number of years off and on in a relationship and being as hung up on calendars as I am, well it makes this time of year complicated, let me just say that.

But I’ve spent the entire morning in tears. Because I am SO DAMN HAPPY. I literally haven’t got any room left inside for all the joy I’m feeling lately and it manifests itself in leaks springing from my eyes. I’ve been harping for years about the lack of balance in my life and I’ve been pep talking myself into making a change for so long but MY GOD the difference between where I am now compared to where I was 365 days ago is staggering and awesome and dammit now I’m going to start crying again! ❤

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