Q

She publicly declared me
her all time favorite lesbian
and, as always, her support
means the world to me but
I can’t help wanting to scream

no!
that’s not all I am.
yes!
i’ve loved men before.

why?
why does it even matter?

and who does it matter to more?

Is she just saying that
as loud and as proud
as she can in order to
make my road easier?

I don’t need her
to name me what I am
what she thinks I am
because it’s possible
she may not really know
even though I’ve never
hidden it from anyone.

Don’t call me straight
because I loved her
so much once.

Don’t call me gay
because I wanted
his life to be mine.

Maybe I like things
more simple
or maybe they’re
more complicated
than I realize but

I guess I just don’t
want to talk about it
anymore

I’ve loved men
and I’ve loved women
and they’ve loved me
before

And it’s none of your business
who bought me Valentine’s Day
presents this year anyway and
what would it matter if I had
one of each?

What would you think then?
What would you call me instead?

How can you name me something
I don’t even have a word for yet?
~2/17/14
____
I had a nightmare last night. I married a man and everyone at the reception snickered because they thought I was a lesbian. It must be nice to be straight and not question it. Harumph. Not that I’d want to be, for a second! How booooooring.

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