Trial By Fire

When I was young
my sadness was
so pervasive
they named it
severe clinic
depression
turned me into
nothing more than
a diagnosis and
locked me up
once or twice
until all I could do
was laugh
when I heard
people say that
sometimes
you grow out of it.

But I just woke up from
one of the worst weeks
in recent memory and
I was overcome by
the sight of the sun
streaming in the window.

I saw it and I saw
that it was beautiful
and I thought to myself
“You can’t let this pass.”

So I made the conscious
decision to own this moment
and realized that
while I am sad and have
always been so
I am also smarter than
most people when it
comes to really seeing
things and what
they stand for.

Although I still have my moments
and I’m far from trusting that
the world is perfect or even tolerable,
the sun set on something and when
it rose again I made a point of
marking it in my unbalanced
and rattled mind and I won’t
let that pass without really
seeing it for what it is.

I’ve held my sadness closer
than I’ve ever held anything
for as long as I can remember.

But my hand reaches toward
the light streaming in the window
and for the first time I don’t care
whether it warms, or it burns.
~ 11/24/13

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