I Can’t Help You

Resignation feels almost
like freedom when you
consciously embrace
its implications and
I am independent of
all the people whose
lives I’ve touched
in the past and this is
not sadomasochism
as you understand it
it’s only my effort to
make the world seem
less cruel and to extricate
myself from the potential
catastrophes that I anticipate
seeping in from the periphery
any moment now. Don’t be afraid,
I’ve been here before and I know
the lay of the land, I don’t need a
companion and in fact I’d rather
do this alone so don’t let any
deep-seated, faded memories
evoke some sense of obligation
to hold my hand or share my fear.
I won’t pretend I’m not lonely,
I won’t say that knowing someone
was waiting at the end of this trial
wouldn’t make the whole thing
easier to stomach but I know
the way this works and I’m
on my way, again.


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