Matthew 6.34

I hear myself saying,
“Life is hard enough
without you taking
your self-esteem
out behind the school
to beat it senseless,”
and this eerie feeling
comes over me, as if
I’m suddenly standing
in front of 19 year old me,
screaming but separated
by a pain of soundproof glass,
just begging her to hear me.

Begging her to understand
that the world is hard enough
without her being so hard
on herself, to understand that
someday she’ll be able to look back
on these moments, purse her lips
and say, “Every moment of it
was as awful as it seemed.”

I won’t try to take that
pain away from her because
it made her who she is.
And some days I can’t help
but feel the backslide to
where the pain was louder
than any other sound,
so how could anyone expect
me to do anything but
crawl away and hide?

But now I hear myself saying,
“Sufficient for a day is its own evil.
The world doesn’t need your help
to crush you under its weight.”

Just turn toward the sun.
It won’t always rise,
but today it did.
And for now,
its warmth on your face
is all the proof you need.
~6/4/13

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