The Creation Story

I would cry –
I won’t deny it.
I would curl myself
into a ball as tightly
as I could – as if I could
wind myself out of this world
or back into your heart.
I would sit on the sill
and look out at the world.

It’s funny how a mundane view
can start to look like something
else for awhile but then you
look again and realize no,
the world outside doesn’t change –
only the way you look at it,
through someone else’s eyes
for a strict amount of time until
suddenly the view focuses sharply.

As if you misplaced your glasses
and on his way out the door he
shoved them back onto your face
and everything appears crisper
than it has since before you
ever laid eyes on him.

You’ll tell yourself that
you need to harden your heart.
But as I’ve told you before,
my dear, if her leaving was
going to be the thing that
made you hard, you’d
be there already.

Believe me, I know.

The doorbell will ring.
I would stand in the hallway
just out of view – peeking around
the corner trying to catch a
glimpse of the person at the door.
Even though I know who it is
because there’s no one else it
could ever be.

And I will not come.
The phone will ring.

And I will not answer.

She will stand under your window
shouting her apologies the way
she used to shout her love
and you will forgive her
because you want to
(even though you know
you shouldn’t).

But if you’re like me, dear,
you will be cautious.

You will answer the door
or the phone, if it rings,
and you will hold it
halfway closed,
away from your face.

You will summon up
the hard shell at the
center of your being
and manifest it in
your wicked smile,
which you have a
tendency to throw
around, toward any
person who happens
to be looking.

They wanted so much from you.
And they’ll get it all and then some.

~4/15/13

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