It’s lunchtime on Friday, and I’m writing my NCOD post a little early because tomorrow I’ll be running around Pennsylvania with my cousins having a gay old time, no pun intended.
Here’s the thing, internet. Here’s my current reality. I said to a friend just yesterday how much I am looking forward to spending the weekend with my cousins because I have been suffocated by the sheer number of gay people I’ve been surrounded by the past few weeks.
My best friend is super gay. Like – astronauts, small dogs, blind people, know he’s gay. My little sister and I moved in together this month, and she works for an LGBT lobbying group. I know many people have differing opinions on this, but my reality sits here: I would rather be the cute little (head pat) bisexual oddity in a crowd than be the only bisexual in a group of gay people. It is HARD.
Personifying the B in the LGBT is a complicated existence. And last night, when one of my sister’s friends and I were putting together the pieces of where my last girlfriend fits into the larger pool, I thought yeah… we broke in 2002. And I haven’t seriously dated another woman since. Does that mean I’m not attracted to women? ABSOLUTELY NOT. To be honest with you, the main reason is because most women in this town are either already in relationships, married, 12, or 60.
And that’s ok. Because as is evidenced by my life, I could just as easily fall in love with a man tomorrow. And it has taken so, so, sooooo long, but I’m finally ok with that. I don’t make excuses, I don’t need to justify my feelings, I’m not sure why we’re even talking about it at all, most of the time.
Except for the fact that it’s National Coming Out Day. And coming out still matters. So this is me. Coming out. Again.
I will see you next year.